Restlessness

Ever felt restless like because you’re not doing something you believe you should be doing? Like something inside of you really wants to do this thing but you just haven’t or won’t because of insert excuse here? That’s exactly how I feel right now.

I’ve felt a very distinct feeling of restlessness lately. I realized it stems from having all of this creative energy within that I haven’t taken advantage of in the best way possible. And only I am to be blame.

No, I don’t think that my creativity is going to run out. It’s just that I’m naturally predisposed and eternally haunted by the compelling desire to create. My self-esteem, confidence, purpose, and passion are directly correlated to how much and what I get to put out into the universe. To create things none other than for the sheer pleasure of doing so. Because my soul demands it. It’s an itch that refuses to go away until it’s scratched and soothed and pampered. To me, the world doesn’t feel like it’s in balance when I don’t let my creativity out, especially in terms of my writing.

This frustration is what has led to this crippling feeling of being stuck in a box. It’s largely due to lack of focus, which stems from indecision, which is caused by fear. Fear of honesty, vulnerability, and openness. An evolutionary inclination to only go for what feels safe and avoid what seems scary and daunting. Because “Who the heck would care about anything I put out there?” Well, I absolutely know this: no one else will if I don’t.

I feel restless because I know I’m holding myself back. It’s a departure from my own nature, not as one who considers himself to be a creative person, but rather someone who is a human being. Because I have things I want to say, thoughts and opinions I want to share, perspectives I want others to consider, and a plethora of gifts to contribute I believe other people will find valuable. Even if it was something as simple as sharing a nugget of knowledge I found along the way. Or maybe something grander that can remind someone else that they’re not alone, and that I feel, want, fear, and love the same things they do. That we’re in this together, even if we don’t ever get to talk or meet each other.

I just want things to be out there that I’ve manifested from within, and have done so because it’s a sincere representation of what I want to share with the world. It has nothing to do with any metric, but everything to do with me being truly honest and genuine about the things that matter to me, and in turn, what I also think will matter to a lot of other people.

So, with that said, I’m going to do just that. I aim to be prolific about it, as much as possible, without writing feeling like an obligation or doing it just for the sake of doing it. I want it to be an act guided by internal motivation—not only because it just doesn’t feel right if I don’t or because it feels like an opportunity lost if I neglect it—but because it’s what my heart, mind, and soul wants to do.

If you’re reading this, I invite you to do the same. Not only will you feel much better in doing so, but you’ll recognize you are inching closer to your true potential when you focus on what you can give, rather than what you can get.

In the words of Seth Godin:

You have brilliance in you, your contribution is valuable, and the art you create is precious. Only you can do it, and you must. I’m hoping you’ll stand up and choose to make a difference.